About Healing...

I wish people could understand. The more you talk about abuse, to me, makes me feel better.
Some people say I'm dwelling on it. Well, first off, getting him out of my life, just happened.
Second off, people heal in different ways. I have seen and heard about people who don't talk to anyone, and they have major anxiety issues, alcohol issues, and aren't coping, and I feel that the more you talk about it, the better you're off. I feel so much better today because of talking about it then I have all along.

I made some headway. I went to Church today, something I haven't been allowed to do in 2 years.
I talked to the pastor, and I have now got a ride to court, and he's also helping me with food, clothes and maybe a supporter to sit with me in court. This really concerned me because I'm low on funds. I don't drive, and just being on a bus with people I don't know is scary right now. I'm not ready for that.

Court is in 4 days, and I wish I didn't have to see him again. Or hear his voice. I am totally dreading this aspect, but it IS for the good. I'm not sure what will go down. I kept having this fear that he would bring a female with him, one final slap in my face. I want to just get away from this nightmare. My advocate actually told me I'm allowing this man to still take over my emotions. I'm getting better at this.

I have to admit, I have fumbled. I have contacted him myself. I won't allow myself to do it again.
I was talking to his ex-wife, and the things in which she told me, freaked me out. About his admittance to cheating.. Things that she told he said.
I didn't get a response back, which is a great thing. I asked her why, after she has a great life now, without him, why contact? You've got a brand new start, a great marriage and kids to care for. She agreed. She was wrong.

The pain is going away quicker and quicker. Yeah I went to church and talked about it, and of course, started bawling, but once I got home and thought about it, I relaxed and just going there, was beyond heaven. Knowing I'm cared for and prayed about, is wow to me.

If anyone needs help, please get out, it's not worth it. Go to a Church, go to a shelter. Don't stay in it or keep going back, like me. It just gets worse and worse. Please know there are people who care, and you're not alone. At all. I have gotten contacted numerous times since I have came out, and there's millions of women who have gone thru it, who live it everyday, and who will in the future get with abusers. Women and men deserve to be treated with respect and love and being cared for. Not being abused in any way.